Catching Sparrows

It’s difficult to compete with folks like Ms. Cornelius and Gently Hew Stone
who both offer up thorough advice to teachers, so I won’t compete on that scale. All I’ve got are a few nuts and bolts but lemme tell you, I didn’t know them when I started and since I’ve discovered them my life as a teacher has been a dream. Well. You know. The dream that is teaching is a complicated thing, so take that with a grain of salt.

Tips For Teachers

Buy Colored Pencils

They can be used to do anything markers and crayons can. They are cheaper, last longer than markers, and are more difficult to eat in one sitting than crayons.

Run Your Bathroom Drills

Run a bathroom drill before school starts and time yourself. Add three minutes if your school is overcrowded. Add a bladder infection within the first three months if you work in a school.

Be Kind to Custodians

These are some of the most important people in the school. Don’t believe me? Wait until something begins to leak/is spilled/coughed up/thrown up/thrown down and your normal go-to for wet spills (bathroom toilet paper) was used up during the first period primp-n-potty of the entire drill team in the only restroom on your wing.

Pay Good Money For Good Shoes

Not shoes that look good on. To test whether you have good shoes or not, put them on and stand up for 10 hours. If you still feel your toes when you take them off, they are good shoes. If you have to have fancy shoes it may be because you’re still in that honeymoon phase where you care what students think of your fashion sensibilities and haven’t yet slogged across a campus the size of a football field (with stairs) three times a day. The only things that saved me were those Easy Spirits.

Important Supplies

If you’re a brand new teacher, here are a few items I suggest you have on hand:

• a sewing kit with many, many safety pins
• duct tape
• band-aids
• a small toolbox with a hammer, pliers, and screwdriver
• a pair of flat-tipped tweezers
• 1 bottle of Goo Gone
• 1 large bottle of hand sanitizer
• 1 large bottle of inexpensive hand lotion (I get the mega-bottles at the dollar store)

Don’t ask why now. Just thank me later.

The Three Most Boring Icebreakers in the Entire World

1. Say your first name, and then say the name of anything that begins with the same letter as your first name.

2. Five (or ten) things you would you want to have if you were stranded on a deserted island. Even more boring? Have students do this in groups.

3. What you would do if you won the lottery.

The Three Most Tedious Icebreakers in the Entire World

1. Say your first name, say the name of anything that begins with the same letter as your first name, and then repeat the names and items of everyone who came before you.

2. Teacher passes out a roll of toilet paper, warning students to take “only as much as they need.” Teacher then has students tell one thing about them for every square of paper they took. (Some teachers substitute M&Ms. Worst. Idea. Ever.)

3. Teacher has students write down 3-5 bits of trivia (favorite movie, etc.) about themselves on a piece of paper, along with their birth date. Students then group according to the month of their birth and share their personal trivia with everyone else in the group.

On The Serious Side

Sometimes, You Won’t Be The One Who Makes The Difference, But…

Forget what you’ve seen in the movies. For every single year, for every single class you teach, there will be at least one student for whom you do not make the difference. That does not mean they will not look back on you fondly. There will be many students who will engage willingly in your class and many whom you will potentially motivate to engage despite themselves. There may be many for whom you do make the difference.

But there will be some who just don’t like you. Or, if not you personally, are laboring under emotional/motivational/life difficulties of their own that make them unreceptive to you and all your good intentions. There will be those who never give you a second thought after they leave your classroom - not because you’re ineffective, but because you just don’t satisfy any of their needs at this point in time.

Whatever the reason, that’s no reason for you not to pursue all options on behalf of that student. Here’s the second part of my statement: Sometimes you won’t be the one who makes the difference, but you are not solely responsible for the success and well-being of that student. If you have concerns about a student, but can’t seem to make a connection, consider advocating for the student by finding the people who can help. Don’t let the solitary nature of the job make you feel as though you are alone in the pursuit of helping a student who doesn’t seem to want you to help them. Someone else may be able to do that - and it’s not a failure on your part.